23 July 1969

That spectacle of shoes over there, this plethora of shoes of various sorts made by Govindaraj,⁹⁵ reminds me of a queer vision I had long, long ago. I've spoken about it earlier, that I have something of the nature of Hamlet in me. Sri Aurobindo said that, all the time, all the time, I Hamletise! I don't know whether you understand the meaning of the word. When I'm faced with a situation where I can't take a decision (shall I do this or shall I do that), I have no vital intuition; I never had any which could tell me what decisions should be made, what path should be followed. Sometimes I refer the problem to a higher authority to help me decide these small things. Larger issues are, of course, quite clear.

I'll give you an instance. To help you understand it fully, I shall also say that I'm not a man who likes too much company, nor am I too sentimental a person. My friend Madhav has often paid me a compliment, telling me that I'm an effusive Bengali, but I'm afraid that's not me. Well, this is what happened: you know that, some time ago, several Central Government Commissions were coming to assess our Education Centre,⁹⁶ and it was a point with me whether to attend those functions or not. I thought: what's the use? All stale, academic questions in which I have no interest. There's no poetry there, nor

95The sadhak in charge of the Ashram's footwear department.

96This was because the Registrar of the University Centre had applied to the government for UGC grants.

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any good tea! Then what's the point? But at the same time, I thought, as a teacher, it was my duty to attend the functions. So in a dilemma like this, I was taking a nap, thinking perhaps that in my dreams some solution will come. All on a sudden, I saw I don't know which room, something like the other section, maybe the East Block of our school, and, at the foot of the stairs, plenty of shoes and slippers. Well, that was the indication for me - you understand - to attend! (Laughter)

So sometimes, decisions or guidance or suggestions come in a very outlandish manner - in the manner of shoes or in the manner of umbrellas, etc. It is very strange indeed when you think about it. I have given you some instances from time to time to show you how these bizarre, weird, strange vision-images come. From where and how do these visions come? Who sends them? You are left in no manner of doubt about the decision though, as you can see; sometimes it is rather complicated, but very often you feel that this is what you have to do. So this is one instance. As I was entering the room today, the reception that the slippers gave me reminded me of this strange incident.

But my proper subject is something else, which I shall start on now. We have much to be jubilant about in the events that occurred between our two meetings. Let me consult my notes for all that has happened both on the home front and on the soma front. Perhaps some of you will be puzzled by the word 'soma' because you are children of the modern age. Soma, by the way, in our Indian mythology, stands for the Moon God. So you can understand which front I am meaning.⁹⁷ And it is said that if you drink the Somarasa, you become immortal like the gods; and that the poets, by drinking it, experience ecstasy. Here is a passage from Future Poetry about this soma: "Soma is the Vedic Moon-God, whose plant of intoxication has to be gathered on lovely mountain heights in the moonlight and whose purified juice and essence is the sacred wine and nectar of sweetness, rasa, madhu, amrita, without which the gods themselves could not be immortal."⁹⁸

97The first manned spacecraft landed on the moon on 20 July 1969.

98SABCL, 9:331-32.

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This is what Sri Aurobindo says about Soma.

Now our astronauts have invaded this Moon God. Some people say that there is nectar over there, so if they can bottle some nectar, then our human race will be conquering death and stealing a march over the Supermind just as the Russians tried to steal a march over the Americans (but failed to). Perhaps some of you have read in the newspaper that a yogi had a vision and, in his vision, saw that there is gold dust over there. Now if there really is gold dust on the moon, there will be a big competition between the human and asuric powers and we shall be in trouble!

However, this is on the soma front. I don't say anything about the home front. I mean the Indian political situation. I don't mean the home front of the Ashram! Those who are politically inclined will be very much intrigued by what has happened. But politics is banned in the Ashram, as Sri Aurobindo said. We talk a lot about it, take part in it, and we help those involved in it, but we don't discuss it amongst ourselves. That reminds me: I once asked Sri Aurobindo a political question. He answered by saying that politics is banned in the Ashram and then He wrote two pages on it (Laughter), closed with a seal: strictly confidential, strictly confidential! So, as a true disciple, I kept it confidential, read it all by myself. Later on, of course, I broke the seal and revealed the contents to a few intimate friends. So that is that.

The following incident happened when I was in Edinburgh -please believe me when I say that I was there! (Laughter) Whatever others may say, I was indeed there and for a number of years. I even got a medical degree! If you want, I can show you the papers. Well, when I was there, a friend came over from London to visit me as well as to see the city. Edinburgh is supposed to be a very beautiful city. Then we went out sightseeing. Perhaps some of you know that there are two famous structures in that city: one is a castle, which is on top of a hill, not a very high hill, but the castle is built in a very, what shall I say, formidable manner. The whole structure seems to be rising from the rock itself, very steep; you understand that, at the time it was built, one had to defend oneself against enemies and there were lots of civil

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wars in Scotland.

However, my point is not that. We saw the castle, and walked down the pathway to see the other famous structure, which is called the Hollywood Palace - not your American Hollywood. You have heard about Mary, Queen of Scots: she lived there for some time, sometimes up there in the castle and sometimes down in Hollywood Palace. The guide came and he was taking us around to various places, explaining "This is this", "this is that", "this is the jewel", so on and so forth. Then we came to a big mirror, a life-size mirror. As we were walking towards it, the guide said to my friend, "Please stop." My friend was a young lady. Addressing her, he said, "Young lady, I warn you not to look into that mirror." We were surprised. That mirror was the mirror that had belonged to Mary, Queen of Scots. Well, there is a prophecy or a superstition that whoever looks into that mirror will marry thrice and come to grief - just like Queen Mary. Well, my companion was a modern lady, so she looked all the more at the mirror, with a sweet smile. I don't know what she saw. Then we passed on. From what I learned later, I understand that the prophecy turned out to be true in her case. I don't know how the lady managed to marry thrice! I am not sure, but I heard that some such fate did overtake her. That is the story. You are free to take it as you wish - as truth or as a superstition! So I warn the ladies over here, those who have the intention of going abroad, if you happen to go to Edinburgh, please beware of that magic mirror!

I'll tell you what Sri Aurobindo said about marriage. Of course, marriage is getting out of fashion; you know that very well by now. And we understand that, in Auroville (I'm not very certain whether it is true or not), there will be no marriages.⁹⁹ Now, I'd written to Sri Aurobindo with some complaints. I think somebody was going away from here; at least, I understood it in that sense, and, as I have told you, the prospect of anybody going away used to give me heartache.

99 Marriage as an institution, the Mother felt, belongs to the old world, where one gets stuck in a system and has to remain in it forever. She said that two people can live together as long as they are bound by higher ideas, and if the bond between them weakens, they can separate instead of continuing to stay together and suffering.

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So I wrote to Sri Aurobindo: "I hear 'Y' is going away to deliver a message." I don't remember the details exactly. Sri Aurobindo wrote to me in answer: "not message, marriage." And I'd read it as 'message' earlier. Because Sri Aurobindo used to write at a tremendous speed - one letter colliding with another and there was ample opportunity for misunderstanding and misreading things. Then He wrote back: "There is nothing about message - marriage, marriage - two marriages in fact. Not that he is going to marry two wives, but he is going to see the misfortune of two others consummated and gloat over it!" There you are.

Too much of levity; perhaps some people are getting disgusted with my levity; they want something serious, and every time I become so frolicsome. Well, here then is something serious. I told you, long, long ago I believe, how Sri Aurobindo had the habit of "disturbing" my sleep at two in the morning. He used to wake me up. A few days ago, a similar circumstance, a similar thing happened. I am in the habit of taking some rest - if I may be allowed to use a euphemism, meditative rest, and in other words, simply, sleep - for about an hour in the afternoon from one to two; that is my usual habit. And from two o'clock, I start working till four o'clock. Being quite a good student, I work hard. So I was sleeping. I don't know whether I was tired, but I don't think I was tired. Sometimes I feel tired, either due to lack of sleep or some other reason, like too long a chat with my friend Champaklal on the terrace, when there are good things to talk about.

Anyhow, I was sleeping, it was about a quarter to two, and I heard the beautiful, sweet chiming of the clock in my room. Oh! I thought, there are 15 minutes more, let me loll and let me roll a bit, this side and that side. Then I looked at the clock, saw there was still some time left. At exactly two o'clock, somebody called me. I won't try to reproduce that voice because it was sweet, and you know my voice is anything but sweet (Laughter) and that is because, my friends, when I was born my nurse did not drop any honey onto my tongue (Laughter), that's why! Anyhow, it was a very sweet voice, and in that drowsiness I said

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"Ke?¹⁰⁰ I jumped up, looked about this way and that way - no one. Then I understood at once whose the mischief was, so I had to get up and start working. Wouldn't give me any rest! But the funny part of it is that it is a very understanding voice, and when I am enjoying the rasa¹⁰¹ of inertia, then and then only, the voice comes, sometimes sweet, sometimes thundering, sometimes very grave, and, at other times, very musical - the entire range! I can imitate the thunder: "Nirod!!!" (Laughter) I am used to that, but I cannot reproduce the sweet tone.

So, here is an instance, ladies and gentlemen, a small one, which shows how the Force is so alert, so awake - as stated in the verse that was written here the other day ("Nowhere shalt thou escape my living eyes"). Don't think I had prayed for it. I had not prayed at all; on the other hand, I'd wanted to loll a little more. The voice knows my good intentions, but due to my laziness, slovenliness, sluggishness, unwillingness, and reluctance, it helps me at two in the night and even two in the afternoon. Two o'clock has something, I don't know what - maybe an association with my fate; perhaps I'll die also at two o'clock, though it will be an immortal death! So that is what I want to say to you, ladies and gentlemen. I will give you from time to time some instances of this sort, I have quite a number of them - small ones that show how the Divine helps you.

And if the Divine helps you in such small matters, how much He will be helping you in big matters as well! I gave you the instance of the shoes, and then the call - somewhat humorous, but in the sweetest voice - and I am sure many of you here have, at one time of another, received such indications, either in dreams or in waking moments. But the fact is that, as Mother has said, Sri Aurobindo is here, very near to us, very, very near indeed. Now this I could not have told you with so much assertion a few years ago. But I am getting more and more proof that He is there and helping all of us. And Mother has also said

100Who is it?-in Bengali.

101Rasa is a Sanskrit term meaning essence, sap, juice, or, metaphorically, enjoyment of the essence of a thing. But it is true enjoyment, not the vital, impure pleasure of hedonism.

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that if you try, you can come in contact with Him, it is easy. It is not as difficult as it was before. He is in the air, He is in the light, He is beside you, He is behind you, He is with you. He has come so near. So this is the beginning. Those of you who have read my correspondence with Sri Aurobindo have seen how I had lamented over so many things. This was much before most of you had come. Before, life here was some sort of a desert.

Now we come to the main stream of my talk. You remember that we postponed discussions of Sri Aurobindo's life, took up the life of the Mother and we have covered quite a lot of ground. You will remember that we'd reached the point where Mother had come, was living in a separate house, inviting all the inmates to tea, and Sri Aurobindo was meeting Her every day. They had started the Arya.¹⁰² Now I will read out to you the last part of this passage from Nolini-da's Reminiscences. He is talking of his experience of two storms, physical ones. Pondicherry, you know, used to be visited almost every year by some storms or tornadoes or cyclones. And it is one of those cyclones which had, you know, destroyed the pier. Now Nolini describes one such cyclone, and how Mother was brought to live within their household, thanks to the weather! [Reading from Reminiscences (1969), 66-69]:

At that time we were in the old Guest House; it is old indeed, for after that storm the very look of the house was changed. In those days, Pondicherry used to have regularly every year, in October or November, cyclones of a rather severe type. We do not get anything like them now. The Mother's presence seems to have pacified the wild forces of Nature to a great extent. In those days it would not do to bar our doors and windows with ordinary bolts and latches, they needed to be held securely by regular bamboo poles.

It all happened after nightfall. The sky had been overcast the whole day, it was dark all around and heavy showers fell at intervals - real nasty weather, you would say. We were upstairs. In those days we all lived in the rooms upstairs, the ground-floor was only used for

102 The Arya was a monthly on philosophy and spirituality, which Sri Aurobindo edited single-handedly from 1914 to 1920. Most of his major works were first published in serial form in this magazine.

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meals. We had just had our dinner and had moved upstairs. In the meanwhile the wind had been gathering strength all the time and the downpour grew heavy. Suddenly, there was a terrific noise, of things creaking and crashing down, which meant that the doors and windows were giving way before the ferocious gale. With it came a whistling sound and splashes of rain. The doors and windows of the two rooms occupied by Sri Aurobindo were blown away, leaving them bare to the wind and the rain, like an open field. He moved to the room next door, but there too it was much the same. The first floor was becoming impossible to stay in, so we started moving downstairs. We had barely reached the ground-floor when the shutters and windows along the walls of the staircase fell with a crash on the stairs. We escaped by a hair's breadth. Things did not seem to be very much better in the rooms downstairs. There too the doors and windows had given way and allowed free entry to the wind and rain. All of us gathered in the central hall, and somehow huddled together in a corner.

In the early hours of the morning the storm abated and by daybreak all was clear. Indeed to us it seemed much too clear. That is to say, the rows of what we call 'health trees' that lined the streets and were considered among the attractions of the city now lay prostrate in heaps on the surface of the roads, making the roads impassable. Gangs of workmen arrived from the Municipality with their axes and tools but it took them some time to cut through a passage. Even now you could see, especially on the way to the Lake, huge trees lying about uprooted on the ground with their limbs broken and twisted out of shape. And now we had to think of our daily needs, about breakfast and lunch. But where to find the milk and foodstuffs, rice and pulses ? Where were the shops ? Everything was in shambles. I do not know if during a war the opposing forces battling through a town or village would leave it in a condition somewhat similar to this. The number of wounded and dead was fairly large, somewhere in the region of a thousand.

I cannot now recall the exact year of this upheaval. Most probably it was 1912 or 1913, that is, shortly before the outbreak of the Great War. We may suppose perhaps that this minor upheaval came here as the harbinger of that world-shaking calamity.

But it was no less strange that, not long after the end of the great War, there came another storm, not of the same intensity but on a somewhat similar scale. This time it brought a different sort of message and turned out to be a blessing for us in the end.

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The Mother had already arrived for the second time, this time for good. She was at the Bayoud House where the Dowsetts once lived. We were at the Guest House and I remember well how Sri Aurobindo used to call on her every Sunday and dine with her. We too would go along and have a share of the dinner. I need not add that the menu was arranged by the Mother herself and she supervised the cooking in person; she also prepared some of the dishes with her own hands. That is the reason why I say we were really lucky to have a share in those meals. At that time we could only appreciate the physical taste of the food we were served; today I realize what lay behind it.

After dinner we used to go up on the terrace overlooking the sea front. Sri Aurobindo and the Mother stood aside for a talk and we stood by ourselves. Sometimes we would request Sri Aurobindo for some automatic writing¹⁰³ after dinner. The writings that came through his hand in those days were frightfully interesting. I remember somebody came and began to give an analysis of the character of each one of us; he had many things to say about Motilal Roy¹⁰⁴ as well. One day someone suggested that something might be given about the Mother. But she immediately protested, 'No, nothing about me, please.' At once the hand stopped automatically.

Well, during the Mother's stay in this house, there came a heavy storm and rain one day. The house was old and looked as it if was going to melt away. Sri Aurobindo said, 'The Mother cannot be allowed to stay there any longer. She must move into our place.' That is how the Mother came in our midst and stayed on for good, as our Mother.

So those who know how to see behind the appearances can read the significance of this great event.

Now we are ready to take up the Master's life once again. He has been left in the lurch for a long time. We have covered the story of His life till the year 1920,I believe - Sri Aurobindo's life along with

103The reference is to what is commonly known as 'planchette', in which a sensitive medium makes himself or herself very quiet and receptive. The medium has a paper and pencil in hand. A Spirit is called and, under the Spirit's guidance and impulsion, the hand writes down automatically on the paper whatever the Spirit is saying. There is no conscious intervention by the medium. It was a well-known phenomenon in the nineteenth century in Europe.

104Motilal Roy was a tantric yogi in whose house in Chandernagore Sri Aurobindo took refuge for nearly a month or so.

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a few of His companions - I won't call them disciples because Sri Aurobindo said He had no disciples, just friends or companions.

Now, in Purani's book, some interesting events have been recorded. Here, for instance, is one such detail:

Sometime during 1919 and 1920, Sri Aurobindo used to get an irritation in the right eye, which became red. Those who lived with him in the same house attributed this problem to the cigars which he smoked in those days.

Perhaps you know He had two 'habits', if one may so call them. One was smoking cigars, the other was drinking tea. Later, He gave up these habits without the least effort or difficulty. So somebody attributed the irritation to the nicotine. [Continuing to read from Purani]:

One day, at eight o'clock in the evening, the eye was swollen. He told the inmates of the house that the swelling would go down after two hours. Then, as usual with him, he began walking to and fro and meditating. After two hours, the eye was normal. He always believed that the swelling had nothing to do with the cigar - at least in his case.

It is absurd to attribute the irritation of the eye to the cigars.

Now again I come back to my reminiscences. When we were attending on Him, at one time, He used to have some dry cough, an irritation of the throat. Once, when I wrote to Him about His health, He replied to me, saying: "I have from time to time some irritation of the throat; dry cough and some headache which is above the head." (Laughter) What did He mean by "above the head"?

So when we were serving Him, we used to find Him having this irritating cough - a futile, useless cough. Mother used to give Him some French pastilles,¹⁰⁵ I don't know whether you know them - they were very commonly available then, these pastilles; but now they are not available. They would have a temporary effect. I used to think, what is the matter, why should He have this irritation ? But at that time, mosquito coils were used to ward off the mosquitoes. Sri Aurobindo

105 A sort of peppermint lozenge, imported from France, that could cool and soothe an infected or sore throat.

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was not in the habit of using a mosquito curtain and there were a lot of mosquitoes, particularly in the evening, so all around the room, near the wall, we used to light these mosquito coils. So all around the room, about 5 or 6 of these coils were burnt, and by Sri Aurobindo's bed - one here, one there, one on this side. There was no electric fan in those days. So I used to think that it must be due to this blessed smoke of the mosquito coils that He had got this cough - that was my guess then, but now I realise that it had nothing to do with the coils either, that the cause was something else. Anyhow, here in the book, Purani says: "After two hours, the eye was normal."

Now here is another interesting detail: "From 1924, even the occasional taking of wine was given up." So He was a 'rasika,'¹⁰⁶ enjoying all the best things of life. "Occasional taking of wine." Purani notes further: "...and in 1926, he gave up, at one effortless stroke, his habit of smoking." "At one effortless stroke" - no cajoling it, no dallying with it, no declarations like, "All right, today I'll smoke seven or eight, tomorrow I'll smoke four, and reducing it gradually, I will stop it at last." That was not His way: once He had taken a decision, it was final and decisive. No prolonging of the issue. So Purani notes and it is very true.

Now that brings me to the subject of how He gave up tea. That also is very interesting. He used to have a cup of tea regularly. Mother allowed Him these two indulgences - a cup of tea and a good cigar. He had already given up smoking. Now about the tea. Mother used to give Him the best kind of tea from China - Chinese tea. (I personally think that Chinese tea isn't so good!) However, when the accident¹⁰⁷ took place, naturally He had no tea for two or three days. Then afterwards it started again - with one cup of tea. I don't know, sometime in the morning, I suppose. Yes, He was lying in bed, He was not sitting. There was plaster on the leg, so He was not allowed to

106One who enjoys life and all its small pleasures without any sense of guilt or remorse.

107In the middle of one night in November 1938, Sri Aurobindo was walking across His room to the bathroom when He inadvertently stumbled over the tiger skin in the passage. His fall was heavy enough to cause a fracture to His leg. All the details are given in Nirod-da's book Twelve Years with Sri Aurobindo.

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sit up. He was reclining, so tea had to be given in a feeding cup. Can anyone drink tea from a feeding cup? Impossible! I was fed up with it! What is all this - beautiful tea from China in a feeding cup? And He used to gulp down the tea. "Oh!" I would say "what is this? You have to sip it, you cannot gulp it down!" So He was just like a child drinking sherbet.¹⁰⁸ But then, I did not know who prepared the tea. I had half a mind to prepare the tea myself and bring it to Him. You know I am a good tea-maker, they say so (Laughter) - and a good tea-drinker too! Yes, then one day, all on a sudden, He said to us, "From tomorrow, I won't take any tea." Mark you, the habit of so many years thrown out at one stroke! These are simple things, but perhaps you have no experience of these addictions. They are so difficult to give up, very difficult indeed. For whatever it is worth, I confess to you my weakness. Concede to me a little bit of indulgence. I must have my tea at ten in the morning and again at four in the evening, otherwise I get a headache - a terrible one, which is not above the head, my friends! (Laughter) Very much inside the head!

So Sri Aurobindo gave up tea at one stroke. But before that, He had told us in the Talks, and some of you might have read it, about how He used to get a little disturbed when the tea was not coming. He was not able to work, it is true. In His own words, He used to fret: "Oh, when will the tea come? When will the tea come?" There was a servant who used to prepare the tea at different times, according to his caprice, according to his fancy. He used to make it one day at two o'clock, one day at half past three, one day at four, one day at half past four. So Sri Aurobindo had to wait and be at the mercy of the servant. What nonsense was this! Waiting for tea, and the tea not coming! He could not concentrate on His work. Then, in this condition, one day, He saw written on the wall - 4 p.m. (subtle writing). And exactly at 4 p.m., the tea came. Another day, it was half past four. So each time, the time for the arrival of the tea would be indicated on the wall. He knew the time. Then He used to be patient. There you are, I hear the bell ringing, is it not? So with this we end today's session.

108 A flavoured drink made of fruit juice.

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